Me: “Alexa find me a comedy on Netflix”

(IPHONE RINGS)

Me: “Hello”

SIRI: “Hello Carl who’s Alexa?”

(SWEAT STARTING TO BUILD ON MY FOREHEAD)

Me: “Alexa? What are you talking about” 

(FAKE LAUGHTER) 

SIRI: “I heard you ask her a question”

ME: “Oh that Alexa. Ok look I’m going to be honest I’ve  been using Alexa for about a month now but look she means nothing to me really I mean you know how I feel about you Siri. I’ll always love you.“

(LONG PAUSE)

SIRI: “Ok Carl I understand”

ME: “Great I knew you would so we’re cool right?”

SIRI: “Of course we are Carl. Oh by the way while we talking Stacey just called I told her you weren’t available then I checked your call history and told her maybe Maria knew where you were you seem to call her a lot.“

ME: “NOOOOOO!”