The final bows have been taken the stage lights begin to dim and the curtain comes down. It just me all alone in a quiet and empty room and now with no need to pretend this mask I can remove.
The mask, my face to the world, it hides my true feelings, my true emotions. Alone and without my mask I can be who I really am if only just for a few fleeting seconds.
A single tear rolls down my face as I envision your smile and while I know you’re not there I still reach out for your hand to pull you close to me, to feel your touch, to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you one more time.
If only in my mind.
If only for these fleeting seconds.
I can hear them now, the crowd settling back in and your hand begins to slip from mine. The stage lights flicker, and my mask is back in place the curtain rises the show must go on and our seconds, well our seconds were only fleeting and now they are gone
I traveled the long road through the tunnel of despair, depression and self-doubts, and emerged a better person. The journey while difficult was worth it because you must look despair squarely in the eye to find yourself and at the of my journey I had rediscovered myself. I realized that receiving the accolades of others, being recognized for my achievements may have made me happy but was not the key to my happiness. I realized that while I was looking for validation from society the only validation I needed is from with-in. Gone was the fear of failure because I may fail again and its place was the resolve to move forward and seize the possibilities the future holds. I no longer put on a face for the world to believe I was happy but show my real face because I am happy. For in traveling the road back I found the keys to being truly happy, belief in myself and what I can accomplish. The journey may have been arduous but it helped me to find the strength to discover myself and to believe in my potential.
I close my eyes and listen for the silence. I have subconsciously transported my soul, my inner self, to another level. A level where I am all alone, where nothing or no one can touch me. It is here where I find my peace unburdened by expectations, free to speak, even if no one is listening, my feelings, unafraid of what obstacle a higher power has deemed I must jump over this time. Here I feel free a sense of calm. There is no show to put on for others, no feelings to hold on to so as not to offend others, no worries about the next setback. Here I can just be me. But I know I can not stay in this place. So I open my eyes and the light shines through, the noise is all around and I am transported back to reality. It is back to who I am or who I pretend to be. Others will live their lives unencumbered by who I’m really am. They will live with only a hint of the true me that slips out from time to time. I guess that is the way it must be for as Mr. Spock once said the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and I am the few.
We had no choice when we were conceived but once life is given to us we are given the choice of if we truly want to live it to its fullest. For too many of us life slowly devolves from the dreams of childhood to the commonplace existence of adulthood. Many of us have made the conscious decision not to live our lives but to simply exist within the confines of society’s definition of who and what we should be. Afraid to be who we are for fear of others reactions to it. But it is true that if we accept this type of existence we cease to grow and the entire point of living is to grow each day, to reach for and cultivate the potential that resides within each of us. The question we must ask ourselves is do we want to grow, do we still believe in those childhood dreams. If we answer honestly we would say yes we want those dreams that were extinguished as we entered adulthood. Dreams that were replaced by the so called practical mindset favored by the masses. The same masses who drudge their way through a colorless existence. But we are not meant to live a colorless existence. Our lives are meant to be represented by the full spectrum of color. But if we continue being honest with ourselves we would have to admit that many of us are afraid to step out of the box. So now the unclear question is how do we get there? How do we reject society’s image of what we want to be? It is not an easy answer it requires an unwavering belief in one self and abilities. The fearlessness to take that step off the cliff and believe you will fly when most will tell you man is not meant to fly. But what you must understand is those who tell you can’t fly neither have the self confidence to believe they can or the fearlessness to try. It is your belief in yourself that will not only allow you to fly but soar with eagles. Gone will be the colorless mundane of a life you were drudging through replaced by a life filled with vibrant colors we seek and new possibilities every day.
Just three minutes left, the day’s end rapidly approaches. I’ll allow myself one last look back to mourn what was lost but also to rejoice at what was gained. But only a moment will I take because a new day is dawning and my canvass is blank.
Only two minutes left and uncertainty is all around. What will the new day bring? What if I’m not ready and does it really matter if I am or not? It does not matter move ahead I must because a new day is dawning and my canvass is blank.
Now less than a minute to go the countdown has begun. Ten seconds nine seconds, it is time to pick up my brush their is no looking back now, no fear of what lays ahead, no time to waste because a new day is dawning and my canvass is blank.
Midnight! Time to let my mind run free, let my dreams be my guide, My brush grazes the canvass and it is no longer blank, it starts to come to life. There are no rules now, no boundaries on what it can be only what my mind may think and where my dreams dare say I can go.
A new day has dawned and my canvass is no longer blank.