Tag Archives: relationship

THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW

It’s in the mornings when I can still feel you lying next to me, I reach out to pull you closer, because when you were in my arms nothing else mattered. But mornings are nothing more than a dream now and you’re not here and you don’t love me anymore.

You looked right in my eyes and told me you loved me, that you wanted to grow old with me. I trusted you with my heart and you broke it. You made me bitter and unwilling to open my heart to anyone for fear of getting hurt again.

My friends, family and co-workers would tell me to move on. Get back out there they would say. It could be worst you could be (fill in the blank) they would say.  I knew all of this and I certainly didn’t wake up every day and decide today is yet another day to be miserable. I wanted to be the happy person they knew again. But I was hurting and trying to find my way back home, but for some of us the road is longer than the rest.

As I traveled the road back I tried to put on a brave face I would tell the world there are plenty of fish in the sea, I’m better off without you, this is for the best I’ll find someone who truly loves me. But I didn’t believe it you were my fish and I wanted you back. The hardest part of it all is that I believed you truly loved me and deep down, the thing I didn’t want to admit, I still wanted to believe that you did.

I would walk down the street mesmerized by couples holding hands, I could only think about your hand in mine and each time I thought it I broke inside a little bit more. I started to notice the people in restaurants eating alone, sitting on the park benches by themselves and even if they weren’t, and they probably weren’t, I thought they were depressed and lonely and then I thought my goodness that’s me. When I would get home, I would sit down and start crying, all the emotion that I had buried all day, all the questions I had rushing in. How could you go from asking me to promise I would never leave you to leaving me in a matter of days? Why were you so unwilling to try and work it out? How did we go from planning a life together to nothing in a blink of an eye? What’s wrong with me, other couples have problems greater than ours were yet they find a way to work it out, but you just walked away from me. Why?

BUT ALL THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW

I traveled the long road of despair, depression, self-doubts, and bitterness and with the help of family, friends, and co-workers I reemerged the person I was before you but somehow better.  The journey was difficult, oh was it difficult, but it was worth it. I realized that sometimes you must look despair squarely in the eye so that you can find yourself. Now I understand the truth and that is while you made me happy you were not the key to my happiness.  I realized that while I was looking for love it was always all around me from my family, friends, and co-workers but most importantly with-in myself. Gone was my fear of falling in love again because I may get hurt and in its place was the resolve to find the person with intellect, beauty, and the heart to love me as much as I love her. The woman to grow old with.

Today I no longer wonder what’s wrong with me but understand that many relationships come to an end not because of one person but because both parties have simply outgrown it, even if one person doesn’t realize it at the time. When it ends I’ll take each relationship as a lesson and embrace the imprint it leaves on me, because it is a part of me. I will take the good in each and cherish it and the bad in each and discard it. Not so easy to do, trust me I know, but with the help of family, friends, and co-workers I have found the strength to do it.

Not Just A Door

It was a long workday followed by an unusually brutal commute. Exhausted I stood in front of my door and suddenly I was overcome with a sense of happiness. Happy to be home? No, that’s not it. Sure this day was rough but no more than hundreds of days before it. So, what was it? I know, it was because on the other side of the door she was there. Ever since she’s been on the other side of the door it wasn’t just a door, it’s the door to a home, a door I looked forward to opening all day. An ordinary door she had transformed into a door to my heart. It was with that realization I turned the key and opened the door and there she stood and I knew I was home.

Sunday Morning, Coffee and Her

She, beautiful as always, was sipping her coffee and reading the Sunday Times.  The actual paper mind you because is there any other way to really read the Sunday Times? While I was sipping my coffee and looking at the highlights of last night’s basketball games on the iPad.  One choice in media might differ but one thing is the same, our love for coffee.  But Sunday morning coffee, there’s something different about Sunday morning coffee. Its aroma fills the early morning air gently awaking your senses as it eases you into a day where your only responsibilities are to laze around and try to conquer the New York Times crossword puzzle.

But you know what’s the best thing about Sunday morning coffee? It’s sipping on it while I sneak a peek at her, the one I love sitting across from me sipping on her coffee.  She may appear to be in her own world behind the pages of the Times but every now and then she sneaks a peek too. Glancing over the pages of the paper she tilts her head slightly to the left and flash me that little smile that says I’m right here and yes, I love you too.

So, the next time you’re sipping your Sunday morning coffee and they’re sitting across from you take a minute to savor it. Because Sunday morning coffee is always better when you share it with someone you love.image

That Very First Kiss

That very first kiss I’ll always remember that very first kiss.

It was unlike any kiss I had before, a moment of passion so powerful it stirred my soul, an electricity so strong that it shook my body.  That night it wasn’t just our lips that touched but also our souls.

I always knew you were different, that there was something special about you. Just the thought of you made sweat pour from my pores, my heart beat faster and my emotions grow stronger.  Never had I felt this way before and to be honest at first, I didn’t really know what do with it.

There you were every waking moment even when you weren’t there occupying every inch of my heart and my soul. What is this hold you have over me I wondered? Was this just some grown-up school yard crush? No, it couldn’t be, this was clearly so much more. Then I kissed you for the very first time and it all became so clear you weren’t just another, you were my soulmate.

Now there are those who scoff at the notion of soulmates, no such thing they say and there are those who believe but say don’t waste your time looking because you can spend your whole life and never find them. But I need search no more because with that very first kiss I had found mine.

I wonder did a little bit of you transfer to me and a little bit of me transfer to you with that very first kiss? I think it must of, because no matter where we are or how far apart we may be we’re never truly alone. We’re always with each other. With that very first kiss we gave each other the keys to our hearts and our souls and here we are years later still holding on to them.

So, let others wonder if it’s true because I know that it is with that with that very first kiss did a love affair began and my soulmate did I find.94705FB9-0BC3-46B1-991B-E578A42B9A84

 

 

Memories of Us

It’s been a minute hasn’t it been, but there you were in my dreams again tip toeing into my subconscious when I thought I had forgotten all about you.  I’m not going to lie seeing you again brought a smile to my face, all the good memories we created together flooding my mind.  It’s funny now to think there was a time that the thought of you and I, what we were and how that is no more made me sad. But that time has passed, I’m so much stronger now. Aware now of all the love that had always been afforded me by so many.  To finally understand that the love of the Lord is stronger than any love I could ever desire.  I’ve learned to embrace myself, to love myself. So yes, now the memory of the happy times between us, and there were some damn good times, makes me smile for I accept now they were an essential part of the journey I’ve been on to be the person I am today.  Goodbye for now it was nice seeing you again and I hope you have found the happiness that you were a part of in me finding mine. 

My best friend, My strongest ally is the Lord

Each day I awake anxious to continue my conversation with you, to thank you for the chance to walk another day upon the Earth. I am encouraged in the belief that no matter where the day shall take me I never walk alone. Each day my life is little more enriched by the knowledge you are my savior and my soul burns with the light of a thousand lights knowing that because of my faith in you and your love for me nothing is impossible. I endeavor to let nothing or no one come between me and my faith. I am reassured in the belief that as I continue to give you praise and strengthen my faith in you nothing can diminish your love for me. I revel in the knowledge that I need not worry about earthly problems because you help carry my load and in your ultimate wisdom will bestow on to me the strength and courage to overcome.  I am fortunate enough to have found you for you are truly my best friend and my strongest ally and it is for that reason that I am truly blessed.

0A2B7D25-325B-4695-B4FD-C62668859C05

 

Is your faith strong and pure?

Anyone can say they have faith but it is only those whose relationship with the Lord is strong and pure that truly have it. Life gives us our share of up and downs and as with anything the up times are easy. During the up times we cruise along enjoying the moment. For so many of us we do not take the time to stop and praise the Lord for bestowing upon us his blessings, believing rather arrogantly that it is we ourselves and we alone that are responsible for our success. But true faith is defined by our actions in the down times. It is in the downtimes that our arrogance is stripped from us. It is doing the downtime that many of us blame the Lord for our troubles. True faith asks are you willing to accept responsibility for your part in whatever has gone wrong. Are you willing to make the changes required to strengthen your relationship with the Lord, or will you simply grumble that he has forsaken you and walk away from Him. For so many of us when faced with this choice we find it easier to just walk away from the Lord. Now do not misconstrue me the fact is that for the vast majority of us our faith comes with some semblance of doubt. We are after all human and by definition none of us are perfect and as such it is natural that our faith wavers at times, especially in times of tribulation. However for those whose faith in the Lord is strong and pure while it may initially waver eventually we realize that the Lord always walks with us because of He created us, we are His children, He forgives our sins and He loves us. We believe that He is always working to remove our troubles and provide us with a new and renewed spirit. We fall back on our faith not because we say we have it but because it is pure and true. Because we value the good times the Lord has provided for us and understand that the only way not to lose them is to praise Him each and every day, in good and bad times. It is when we are willing to let go and put our faith in the Lord will we see that there is nothing He will let us go without, that with Him all things are possible. It is only then that we can truly say we have faith and that it is pure and true.

24ED8788-8F84-4FB7-854A-07A9DC0DACFB.jpeg

Make it a kiss

Don’t wait to show her you love her. Tonight walk up to her and pull her close. Look into her eyes but utter not a sound for no words are needed in this moment. Lean in and kiss her but not just any kiss make it a kiss so sensual, so passionate that it leaves her lost in the moment of a kiss like no kiss she has ever experienced. Make it a kiss that reminds her how special she is, how beautiful she is, how sexy she is. Make it a kiss that reminds her that no other woman could ever stir your emotions like she can. Make it a kiss that messes up her lipstick in a way her lipstick has never been messed up before. Make it a kiss that when it is over her body quivers with anticipation of your lips meeting once again. Make it a kiss that without any words uttered says I love you. Don’t just kiss her make it a kiss!

Letter to an ex

Life’s too short to hide your feelings, better to bare your heart and soul than to wake every morning the rest of your life with regret. So let me be brutally honest I am still very much in love with you; I miss everything about you – the sound of your voice, your breath taking beauty, your dazzling smile, your mesmerizing eyes and the sweet taste of your kiss. But most important I miss having you, the woman I love there everyday when I wake up.

It always amazed me – the connection I felt the very first moment I kissed you. Love at first kiss – YES!! When I looked in your eyes after that first kiss I knew you were the only one I would ever want to spend my life with. You are my best friend, my lover, the person I have given the key to my heart.  My love for you has no end of the day – for my love for you is everlasting. I do not need others to confirm this I only need to know what is in my heart. Despite our time apart that feeling has not changed, in fact it has only intensified and I very much regret letting other things get in the way of me showing that to you everyday.

I’m not asking you to go back to how it was. Rather I’m asking you to go forward, to a new start, a new beginning. I hope that in your heart somewhere a little bit of “us” still exist. I know I am not perfect I know I made some terrible mistakes and I am very sorry for them, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t deeply regret them. But I have heard it said the past does not erase the future, you learn from your mistakes and become a better person So I ask that you consider reopening your heart to a future with me, That you allow me to show you that I am in fact still very much the man you fell in love only better having learned from my mistakes. Open your heart once again to us and I will ensure that each and every day of our lives will be nothing short of a remarkable and passionate love affair.

It’s you

I check my phone every few minutes for your text
I listen to songs the remind me of you
I close my eyes and I see your smile
I miss you every minute you are away
You have awaken my soul
You have given me strength
You have opened my heart to the joy of true love
You bring me true happiness
I count the minutes until I see you again
I can’t wait for when I can hold you again
You are my everything
I love you