Tag Archives: recovery

I refuse to stay in the dark

How could I’ve been so foolish
How could I’ve not seen who you really were
Smitten by you from the very start
You said you loved me till the very end
Yet those words were never really true
Reached in and stole my heart; you did
Then you took it and threw it away
I see now I was just a game to you
Friends tell me I told you so
That they could see through you from the start
I was hurt
I cried
I was broken
But only for a moment
I refuse to stay in the dark
My heart was broken yesterday
But I picked up the pieces
Put them back together today
Now I’m ready to love again
Not afraid to share that love once again
That’s who I am
Out there, someone is just like me
Not afraid to share their love once again
One day we’ll meet
One day we’ll fall in love
One that day will turn into every day
What a wonderful day that will be

I Know Now

I know now it was a mistake.

I should have never given my heart to you.

You were never going to love me, at least not the way I loved you. You talked a good game. Told me you loved me, made me promise I would never leave you, said I was your everything, but you were never going to give me your heart. You were never going to be my ride or die.

Looking at it now, I see that I was nothing more than a convenience, someone, to occupy you until someone better came along and when you thought you found that someone, you walked away and never looked back.

Yes, I cried.

Yes, I hoped you would come back.

Yes, I wondered what I had done wrong.

Yes, it was a long road back, but through the tears, I found my way back and realized I had done nothing wrong; it was you who couldn’t see what was right in front of you. Today I have found true love, someone who never has to say they love me because every action they take confirms it. Ironically I hear that life isn’t so going smoothly for you, that someone better apparently found someone better than you and left you broken-hearted and alone. I wonder if you sometimes look back and think about us, what might have been if you genuinely put your heart into it. I guess it doesn’t matter now; the past is the past, and while you hurt me, I hold no malice toward you; after all, if it wasn’t for you, I doubt I would have been able to see the difference between real love and just words. So, I guess we both learned a lesson from our time together. I wish you the best.

First Love…25 Years Later

I looked across the train, and there you were, head down reading a book, an actual book, no iPad or kindle but a real book with actual pages. A little more mature, but you were just as beautiful as you were 25 years ago when I first saw you in that bodega. I wanted to walk over and say hello, but my feet wouldn’t move for some reason. Maybe I just wanted to remember you as you were, didn’t want to hear about a husband or children, just wanted to remember when it was just you and me. Sure, there have been others after you, some just passing through some who I thought I loved, but they say hindsight is 20/20, and in hindsight, there was never really anyone like you. We were young, maybe too young, we didn’t have much, we didn’t even talk the same language, but somehow, we made it work. Our love lasted only a few years, but true love has no clock, and it burned bright, but then, just like so many bright stars, it exploded into a supernova. With one last kiss, you looked at me and said, I love you, but we both know we can’t be together, and just like that, you were gone, never to be seen again, I thought. But there you were today, and while deep down I hope you found love, I know whoever it is they could never love you the way I did. After all, you will always be my first and one true love.

The Heart Knows No Time

The heart knows no concept of time, for the heart time, is nothing more than a meaningless concept, a human-made measure. It is why the heart of someone who has known love but for a brief period can be broken just as easily and hurt just as much as that of someone who has loved for an extended time. The heart never asks how long it has been? The heart only knows that it feels the way it does when that special someone walks in the room, smiles at you, holds your hand, looks into your eyes, and says they love you. It does not matter to the heart if they have known that person for two months, two years, or two decades; it only knows that person makes it feel a way no one else does. Others may ask how you could be so hurt; after all, you only were only with them but for a second, and your brain may struggle with that question, but the heart knows. Your heart needs to heal from the loss of that special person does not equate like some mathematical equation to the amount of time you were with them. Yes, you will get stronger as the days go by, and yes, you will learn to let go. You will come to a point where you will allow yourself to look back and smile at all the good times you shared without being sad that they are no more. You will embrace the truth, that you will never truly forget them because the heart truly never forgets. But your heart will heal in its own time, and then and only then will you be able to open it up to love again.

Nothing is impossible in HIS world

Watching Joel Osteen this morning, and the Lord must be using him to preach right at me and my current situation this morning. He is preaching that we should never laugh in disbelief at what God puts in front of us, even if it seems impossible. For when you laugh, God will simply say welcome my child to my world.
Nothing is impossible in HIS world.
It may not happen right away; there may be obstacles placed in your way. This is never going to happen, you may think. But that is only because, as humans, we can not always see the larger picture but rest assured, HE does. We must keep the faith, continue to praise the Lord, continue to push through the obstacles, and when He blesses you with that which you thought was impossible. As Olsteen called it, a “whoever thought miracle.” You won’t be laughing in disbelief any longer; you will be laughing in amazement.
Nothing is impossible in HIS world.
I have congestive heart failure, and on June 7th, I had a cardiac event. My heart stopped, doctors told my sister things don’t look so good. But God looked down on me and said, son, it is yet your time, and HE breathed the gift of life back into my body. A week later, the hospital minister would come into my room and, with a huge laugh, say, miracle man, I can’t believe you are up and talking to me after what you looked like last week. He was laughing in amazement.
Nothing is impossible in HIS world.
My cardiologist tells me the medicine he prescribes for me and the diet he says I should follow will help me maintain my health. But you can’t just reverse congestive heart failure. I laughed in disbelief at that. Sure I will take my medicine and follow my diet, but while he may prescribe medications and suggest diets to maintain my health, it is only HE who can truly heal me, and then we will all be laughing in amazement.
Nothing is impossible in HIS world.
You see, I have faith that the Lord has not brought me to this point along the spiritual journey to drop me off on the side of the road. I have faith that while I may not see it, HE knows the big picture. HE sees what he has in store for me. I have faith that as Osteen preached this morning, HE is positioning me to do something positive. I will continue to pray to and praise him, and you should too. No matter what your current situation may be—no matter what obstacles may appear to be in your path. Keep the faith, and soon you will be laughing in amazement.
Nothing is impossible in HIS world.


Is your faith strong and pure?

Anyone can say they have faith, but it is only those whose relationship with the Lord is strong and pure that genuinely have it. Life gives us our share of up and downs, and as with anything, the up times are easy. During the up times, we cruise along, enjoying the moment. For so many of us, we do not take the time to stop and praise the Lord for bestowing upon us his blessings, believing rather arrogantly that we and we alone are responsible for our success. But true faith is defined by our actions in the downtimes. It is in the downtimes that our arrogance is stripped from us. It is doing the downtime that many of us blame the Lord for our troubles.
True faith asks are you willing to accept responsibility for your part in whatever has gone wrong. Are you ready to make the changes required to strengthen your relationship with the Lord, or will you simply grumble that he has forsaken you and walk away from Him? When faced with this choice, we find it easier to walk away from the Lord for so many of us. Now do not misconstrue me; the fact is that our faith comes with some semblance of the doubt for the vast majority of us. After all, we are human, and by definition, none of us are perfect, and as such, it is natural that our faith wavers at times, especially in times of tribulation. However, for those whose faith in the Lord is strong and pure while it may initially waver, eventually, we realize that the Lord always walks with us because He created us, we are His children, He forgives our sins, and He loves us. We believe that He is continually working to remove our troubles and provide us with a new and renewed spirit. We fall back on our faith not because we say we have it but because it is pure and true. Because we value the good times, the Lord has provided for us and understand that the only way not to lose them is to praise Him each day, in good and bad times. When we are willing to let go and put our faith in the Lord, will we see that there is nothing He will let us go without, that with Him all things are possible. Only then can we truly say we have faith and that it is pure and true.