I admit I was dreading it, the first Valentine’s Day since you left. Try as I might to ignore it, I couldn’t. Because even a simple trip to Rite Aide to pick up a tube of toothpaste reminded me with rows of heart-shaped candies, teddy bears saying I love you and an army of hallmark cards leaping out at me that Valentine’s Day was coming. Now, I know the real reason for this “official” day of love is the economy, because without it, how else could they justify the ridiculous mark up for roses? But I have to admit I’m a sucker for it. There’s nothing that gave me more joy than seeing the smile on your face when you saw your Valentine’s day roses.
But this year, there would be no one to send flowers to, plan a dinner date for, hold hands with and cuddle with at the end of the day. As February draws near, there is so much love being thrown in my face I have no choice but to face the hard truth, being single sucks. But I’m also determined not to let anyone know how I truly feel, so I soldier on smiling and laughing while crying on the inside. And I’m good at it, as far as anyone looking at me knows I’m alright. But I’m not, and even the strongest of men wouldn’t mind a shoulder to lean on now and then, but my façade says I don’t need one. So, it up to me to the right the ship by myself, and let me tell you, that’s not easy.
Nevertheless, I went to work. First, I took a step back and looked at the multitude of family and friends who love me, are always there for me, and would never leave me alone. I realized that romantic relationships come and go, but family and friends…well, they’re not going anywhere. Second, I resolved not to give up hope. Because once hope is gone, any chance of finding happiness goes with it. My life is a journey and each day represents a new step, and each new step represents new possibilities. One day that next step will lead me to the happiness I’m seeking. But I’ll only get there if I have the strength to take that next step. Third I said to myself; you can’t hide from love. Bob Marley once said, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. So, while you may have hurt me, there is someone out there worth suffering for.
So, I guess being single doesn’t suck after all, and you know what? Valentine’s day will be a happy occasion for me because I have family, friends, and the hope that the right one is out there and will find her one day.
I used to, but now I never let our breakup define my self-worth.
I put so much of myself into us that when you walked away, it broke me, made me think that I was a failure and that no one would ever love me. But that was not true because I’m a giving man, a loving partner, and I have a kind heart, and just because you didn’t see that does not mean I am not worthy of love; it only means you weren’t ready for it.
I used to, but now I never dwell in the past.
I do not run, hide, or pretend we never existed. I loved you with all my heart, and while you couldn’t give me that love in return, I have let the pain of losing you go. Today you are but a part of my story, a lesson learned. One that I shall grow and gain strength from. Because life exists in the here and now, and so do I.
I used to, but now I never wish for you to come back.
I recognize now that you couldn’t comprehend the fundamental principle that having someone like me in your life is a good thing and as such, logic dictates you were never worthy of me in the first.