Tag Archives: Love Lost

A mental connection

So you’re with him now. Well I wish you happiness and hope you found what you were looking for. But even you have to admit a love like the one we shared is not so easily forgotten. Even after we walked away from each other a little bit of me remains with you, just like a little bit of you has remained with me. So I wonder, on those nights you lay awake beside him do you hear it? Do you hear my voice saying I love you. We might not be together physically and maybe that’s for the best but we will always share a mental connection no matter who we’re with. Because while we may not have worked out a love like ours will never be broken. As Mr. Spock once said it is not logical but it often times true.

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Thank you for walking away

Thank you for walking away
Thank you for not giving us a chance
I was fooled by all the times you said I love you
I committed my heart to you
I was ready to spend my life with you and when you left it hurt.
But looking back at it I see you were just looking to waste time. You were just looking for a soft landing spot. Your past relationship was a failure and you wanted to feel good about yourself and I was there. You never really loved me and I would have cheated myself if I had settled for you. You see I’m a catch maybe you couldn’t see that but trust me others do. I’m not saying that to brag I’m saying it because it’s true. Am I perfect? Far from it I will make my share of mistakes. But I will always be there for the one I love. I will respect her and treat her like a queen and the woman I do commit my heart to will understand that and be willing to work through the tough times just as I will be willing to overlook her imperfections and work to make us work. Because a relationship is seldom two perfect people finding each other it’s two imperfect people willing to work together to make it work because of how they feel about each other. You’ll find someone and you’ll fool them until you can’t. I guess deep down you’ll never be truly happy because you don’t really know how to love. Anyway I wish you luck and thank you again.

The winds are carrying you away from me

The winds are carrying you away from me. As a man I take full responsibility for

Not hearing your voice
Not being responsive to your needs
Not understanding your concerns

But trust me when I say it’s not because of faded feelings, or desire for you. It’s not because I don’t value our relationship.  In fact I love and value you and the concept of us more now than I ever have. My love for you has never stopped growing getting stronger each day. Now the thought of losing you has me free falling with no parachute. Desperately clinging to the hope

That you will accept my apology
That you will believe in me again
That you will believe in us again
That you will understand how much I love you.
That you will let me hold you in my arms once again.

My love for you burns as brightly as it ever has and there is nothing I would not do to make your life as fulfilling as possible. You are my soul mate and I hope the winds bring your heart back to mine.

Letter to an ex

Life’s too short to hide your feelings, better to bare your heart and soul than to wake every morning the rest of your life with regret. So let me be brutally honest I am still very much in love with you; I miss everything about you – the sound of your voice, your breath taking beauty, your dazzling smile, your mesmerizing eyes and the sweet taste of your kiss. But most important I miss having you, the woman I love there everyday when I wake up.

It always amazed me – the connection I felt the very first moment I kissed you. Love at first kiss – YES!! When I looked in your eyes after that first kiss I knew you were the only one I would ever want to spend my life with. You are my best friend, my lover, the person I have given the key to my heart.  My love for you has no end of the day – for my love for you is everlasting. I do not need others to confirm this I only need to know what is in my heart. Despite our time apart that feeling has not changed, in fact it has only intensified and I very much regret letting other things get in the way of me showing that to you everyday.

I’m not asking you to go back to how it was. Rather I’m asking you to go forward, to a new start, a new beginning. I hope that in your heart somewhere a little bit of “us” still exist. I know I am not perfect I know I made some terrible mistakes and I am very sorry for them, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t deeply regret them. But I have heard it said the past does not erase the future, you learn from your mistakes and become a better person So I ask that you consider reopening your heart to a future with me, That you allow me to show you that I am in fact still very much the man you fell in love only better having learned from my mistakes. Open your heart once again to us and I will ensure that each and every day of our lives will be nothing short of a remarkable and passionate love affair.

She used to be right there on my right

She used to be right there on my right, my hand resting on the stick shift, her hand resting comfortably on mine. The top down and the warm summer air all around us as we drove for miles with no particular destination in mind. Every red light I would glance over at her and be captured by her smile. She had a way of tilting her head to the right ever so slightly when she smiled at me. It was so slight I doubt she even realized she was doing it. But that was because she only did it when she smiled at me and that’s how I knew it was a smile meant for me, no one else.

She used to be right there on my right, her hand comfortably in mine as we walked down the street. Talking and laughing as we walked for miles with no particular destination in mind. Every chance I got I would glance over at her and be captured by her eyes. Her eyes had a way of lighting up when she looked at me. I would tell her she wasn’t playing fair but she always said she didn’t know what I was talking about. But that was because they only lit up when she looked at me and that’s how I knew it was a look meant for me, no one else.

But she is no longer on my right and her smile, her look, a smile and a look meant for me, no one else is gone. I wonder if they belong to someone else. I wonder if she even knows that she’s giving him a smile and a look that tells him she loves him and no else.

She used to be right there on my right.

That was then…I found myself now

It’s in the mornings when I can still feel her lying next to me, when I reach out to pull her closer to me, when she is still in my arms and nothing else matters. But mornings are nothing more than a dream and when I fully wake the truth remains, she is not here and she don’t love me anymore.

She lied to me, looked right in my eyes, told me she loved me, that she wanted to grow old with me. I trusted her with my heart and she broke it, left it in a million pieces. I used to believe in love now I’m simply bitter unwilling to open my heart to anyone for fear of getting hurt again.

Friends, family, co-workers tell me to get over it, to move on, that I just need to get out there, that she was no good for me, that It could be worst I could be (fill in the blank).  Believe me I know all this this, I certainly don’t wake up every day and decide today is yet another day to be miserable. I would love to be the happy friend, family member, co-worker they once knew. I’m hurting and I’m trying to find my way back home but for some of us the road is longer than the rest.

As I travel that road back I try to put on a brave face for the world I use phases like there are plenty of fish in the sea, you’re right I’m better off without them, this is for the best I’ll find someone who truly love me. But you know what I had my fish and I want it back.  Deep down I know I’m better off without her but I want her back anyway. Most troubling of all is that I thought she truly loved me and deep down, the thing I don’t want to admit, I still want to believe that she does.

As the days goes by I find myself obsessed with couples and singles. I walk down the street mesmerized by people holding hands, I find myself staring at their hands remembering her hand in mine, each time this happen I feel I break down a little bit more inside. I also find myself increasing noticing the single person in the restaurant window eating alone, sitting on the park bench, or walking alone seemingly so lonely and unhappy. I say to myself oh my goodness that’s me. When I get home I sit down and start crying, all the emotion that I had buried, all the questions I have about the breakup rushing back to the forefront of my conscience – how could someone go from asking me to promise I would never leave them to leaving me in a matter of days, why was she unwilling to try and work it out, how do you go from planning a life together to nothing in a blink of an eye. What is wrong with me, other couples have problems so much greater than ours yet they find a way to work it out, but she just walked away from me. Why?

BUT ALL THAT WAS THEN AND THIS IS NOW

I traveled the long road through the tunnel of despair, depression, self-doubts, and bitterness and with the help of family, friends, and co-workers I emerged the person I was but better.  The journey while difficult was worth it because sometimes you must look despair squarely in the eye to find yourself and at the of my journey I had found myself again.  I realized that my ex made me happy but she was not the key to my happiness.  I realized that while I was looking for love it was always all around me from family, friends, and co-workers but most importantly with-in myself. Gone was the fear of falling in love because I may get hurt again and its place was the resolve to find that person with the intellect, beauty, and heart to be the woman I will grow old with.  I no longer put on a face for the world to believe I was happy but show my real face because in traveling the road back I found the keys to being truly happy.  I no longer wonder what is wrong with me but understand many relationships end not because of one person but because both parties have outgrown the relationship, even if one person doesn’t realize it at the time. When they end the smart ones understand that each relationship is a lesson, each leaves an imprint on you, becomes a part of you are. Some relationships are fun, some are intense, some are fleeting, others where you believe it’s going to last forever. In the end it’s up to you to take the good from each and cherish it, take the bad and discard it and learn from all of it. Not so easy to do all the time but with the help of family, friends, and co-workers you will find the strength to do so it you travel the road back.

 

 

 

Maybe in the next life

For the longest I wondered what if I had walked away from that last argument. Would things have been different? Would we still be together? The answer of course is no. Maybe we would have stayed together another day, a week, maybe a month but the end was as inevitable as the start. Drawn to each other, needing each other really for our own separate and selfish reasons. We were destined to be together, but we weren’t destined to stay together. We were lovers before we had a chance to lay a foundation to build on, to become best friends. Without that it was easy to take each other for granted, to push our own wants and needs to the front of the line. No one would ever confuse our relationship as being built on compromise. Yet there was something there wasn’t there? Something that even long lasting relationships don’t have. An electricity between us, an aura, that distinctive quality that seemed to surround and be generated by us being together. You could feel it, other could sense it, the way they would look at us it was clear that two of us together were something special. But love does not last based on an aura. Love last when two people put in the time and effort to keep it alive. An even if two people truly do love each other if they don’t put in that effort the aura will dim, the love will fade. For us the effort was simply not there. It wasn’t our destiny to stay together, not in this life. But maybe our souls will cross in a future life and we’ll get it right as I suspect we have done in past lives. Destiny simply can not be denied.