Hurt left an indelible scar on my soul.
I cannot run from it.
I cannot hide from it.
I cannot pretend it does not exist.
It has become a part in who I am and what I will become.
So, I will not hide from it,
I will embrace it.
I will learn from it.
I will gain strength from it.
I will grow from it.
The scar will not be a symbol of my pain.
The scar will be a symbol of my survival.
The scar will be a symbol of my strength.
The scar will be a symbol of my rebirth.
Hurt may have left an indelible scar on my soul
but it can not stop me from moving forward no regrets, no remorse
They say time heals all wounds, but time apart from you only grows more painful everyday
I long to hear your voice
see your smile
Hold you in my arms
Caress your skin
Kiss your lips
Hold your body next to mine
Given one more chance I know I would make it right. Be the partner you so deserves, be the man you desire. If you choose to walk away my heart would be lost forever
Life’s too short to hide your feelings, better to bare your heart and soul than to wake every morning the rest of your life with regret. So let me be brutally honest I am still very much in love with you; I miss everything about you – the sound of your voice, your breath taking beauty, your dazzling smile, your mesmerizing eyes and the sweet taste of your kiss. But most important I miss having you, the woman I love there everyday when I wake up.
It always amazed me – the connection I felt the very first moment I kissed you. Love at first kiss – YES!! When I looked in your eyes after that first kiss I knew you were the only one I would ever want to spend my life with. You are my best friend, my lover, the person I have given the key to my heart. My love for you has no end of the day – for my love for you is everlasting. I do not need others to confirm this I only need to know what is in my heart. Despite our time apart that feeling has not changed, in fact it has only intensified and I very much regret letting other things get in the way of me showing that to you everyday.
I’m not asking you to go back to how it was. Rather I’m asking you to go forward, to a new start, a new beginning. I hope that in your heart somewhere a little bit of “us” still exist. I know I am not perfect I know I made some terrible mistakes and I am very sorry for them, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t deeply regret them. But I have heard it said the past does not erase the future, you learn from your mistakes and become a better person So I ask that you consider reopening your heart to a future with me, That you allow me to show you that I am in fact still very much the man you fell in love only better having learned from my mistakes. Open your heart once again to us and I will ensure that each and every day of our lives will be nothing short of a remarkable and passionate love affair.
Over the past few weeks my Facebook feed has been filled with pictures of my friend’s children graduating elementary, high school or college. Going to the junior prom or the prom. All of them accompanied by posts expressing pride at their children’s accomplishment or bemoaning the fact that the years have gone by so fast. I admit that I look at these posts with both jealousy and regret. Jealousy that I don’t have what they have. Regret that I made so many wrong turns in my relationships that I screwed up any chance of having it.
Growing up I believed that I would live the fairy tale, marry the love of my life, have two children of our own and adopt one to provide a loving home to a child in need. But life more often then not is not a fairy tale. The character Sonny in Bronx Tale said – You’re only allowed three great women in your lifetime. In my life I have had three long term serious relationships each of which started out with the thought that this might be the one, my soulmate, the woman I start a family and grow old with. Each ended with a broken heart and me thinking well here I am again. Each one was devastating in its own way but none more than the last one.
She was the first and only woman that I asked to marry me and when she said yes I thought finally I had found the one, my soulmate, the woman I would grow old with. The woman I would post pictures of our children’s accomplishments on Facebook with. She came into the relationship with two children and she was upfront that she wouldn’t have another child. Despite that as time went on I started to feel more and more as I finally had found the family I always wanted. I knew I could never take the place of their father, who was still very much in their lives, but still it felt like a true family. Only weeks before the breakup the oldest child drew four pictures. Her mommy, her sister, herself and me and put them up on the refrigerator. Looking at those pictures brought a huge smile to my face because it was confirmation that not only did I see us as a family but they did as well. So when only a few weeks later my fiancée informed me that she was now my ex fiancée it wasn’t just breaking up with her it was breaking up with my family. I won’t lie it was my lowest point I had never been so depressed and it took me awhile to find myself again but I eventually did. Despite that I still wonder if my window has closed. That I will never find that woman to grow old with. That I never will be able to post with pride pictures of my children’s accomplishments on Facebook. Not that I’ve given up hope and I’m still out there swinging but I still wonder and hope that my window is cracked open just a little bit.