Tag Archives: healing

A Symbol of My Rebirth

Hurt left an indelible scar on my soul.
I cannot run from it.
I cannot hide from it.
I cannot pretend it does not exist.

It has become a part in who I am and what I will become.run from hurt

So, I will not hide from it,
I will embrace it.
I will learn from it.
I will gain strength from it.
I will grow from it.

The scar will not be a symbol of my pain.
The scar will be a symbol of my survival.
The scar will be a symbol of my strength.
The scar will be a symbol of my rebirth.

Hurt may have left an indelible scar on my soul
but it can not stop me from moving forward no regrets, no remorse

Did you ever really love me?

You hesitated for a second then looked right in my eye and said: “To tell you the truth I don’t remember” and just like that you were gone.

In poker it’s called the art of the bluff. the best hand doesn’t always win. Play the hand right and you can force a player with a better hand to walk away simply by playing confidently. However, the risk is great. If the person sitting across from you doesn’t walk away, calls your bluff and pushes their chips to the center of the table… well cards don’t lie, and the best hand wins and you loses everything.

But you offered a completely different take on the bluff, didn’t you? You pretended to be all in and there was no risk at all. Because when I called your bluff and fell in love with you I lost everything. Because you really didn’t put anything in the middle, did you? Only I did, I put my heart in the middle and just like in poker the cards didn’t lie and in this game of love my heart flush lost.

Losing it all was devastating, after all you lied to you. Looked me right in the eyes and told me you loved me, that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and silly me I believed it Well played your bluff almost broke me, but it’s didn’t. It was simply one bad hand not the beginning of my end. Love is a gamble and I’m willing to take a chance again. Willing to put my heart back on the table again to someone who I will barely know and trust that they aren’t bluffing and are ready to give their heart back to me. I won’t play it safe, afraid to put to get back in the game. Because there’s an old poker that says you can’t lose what you don’t put in the middle, but you can’t win much either. Now unquestionably I would never get hurt again playing it safe. But I’ll also never know the feeling of waking up and looking over at the person next to me with a smile knowing that I’m going to grow old with them, that I would do anything for them and that they would do anything for me. So yeah, I called your bluff and lost, it’s ok a lot of people have done the same thing but like them I’ll lick my wounds, give my heart a moment to mend and then cash back into the game. Because after all I can’t win at the game of love if I don’t play the game of love

 

The seconds are fleeting

The final bows have been taken the stage lights begin to dim and the curtain comes down. It just me all alone in a quiet and empty room and now with no need to pretend this mask I can remove.

The mask, my face to the world, it hides my true feelings, my true emotions. Alone and without my mask I can be who I really am if only just for a few fleeting seconds.

A single tear rolls down my face as I envision your smile and while I know you’re not there I still reach out for your hand to pull you close to me, to feel your touch, to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you one more time.

If only in my mind.

If only for these fleeting seconds.

I can hear them now, the crowd settling back in and your hand begins to slip from mine. The stage lights flicker, and my mask is back in place the curtain rises the show must go on and our seconds, well our seconds were only fleeting and now they are gone

seconds

You Are Not Alone

They see the smile, a smile that conceals the pain behind it. 

They see the many friends, friends that hide the loneliness within you. 

They hear the laughter, laughter that disguises the depression you feel. 

They watch as you reach out to all those who need help never imagining you secretly covet someone to reach out to you. 

Your face is a mask and you are but an actor. But there are fleeting seconds when the stage lights dim, the crowd empties out and now alone you remove your mask and to see the tears that are streaming down your face. 

But in those seconds know this, you are not alone.  There is someone who feels your pain, knows your loneliness and sees your depression.  Someone who has always loved you and whose arms have always been outstretched toward you. That someone is the Lord and all you need to do is believe. Believe that if you put your faith in Him in time He will relieve you of your troubles and you will need your mask no more.

Memories of Us

It’s been a minute hasn’t it been, but there you were in my dreams again tip toeing into my subconscious when I thought I had forgotten all about you.  I’m not going to lie seeing you again brought a smile to my face, all the good memories we created together flooding my mind.  It’s funny now to think there was a time that the thought of you and I, what we were and how that is no more made me sad. But that time has passed, I’m so much stronger now. Aware now of all the love that had always been afforded me by so many.  To finally understand that the love of the Lord is stronger than any love I could ever desire.  I’ve learned to embrace myself, to love myself. So yes, now the memory of the happy times between us, and there were some damn good times, makes me smile for I accept now they were an essential part of the journey I’ve been on to be the person I am today.  Goodbye for now it was nice seeing you again and I hope you have found the happiness that you were a part of in me finding mine. 

You stepped into my life And I’m oh, so happy

With a nod to Melba Moore’s classic you stepped into my life

You stepped into my life
And I’m oh, so happy
You stepped into my life
And I’m oh, so happy
Stepped into my life
Steeped into my life

Before you came my way
I had so much worry
Always thought it would never work out
Thought I was alone
That I wasn’t worthy
But then you came to me
Told me I was your child
And you would always love me
All I had to do is have my heart believe
If I wanted to come home I just need to confess
And I’ll be forgiven of any sin

You stepped into my life
And I’m oh, so happy

Others look at me and wonder what has happened
You gave me so much more than I deserved
Now I kneel before you and praise you every day
Cause I understand that you’re always watching and protecting me
And I believe that You will work out all my problems
Because I know with You all things are possible

You stepped into my life
And I’m oh, so happy

That moment of Doubt

You keep trying.

You wait for that moment of doubt to pounce.

You keep putting obstacles in my path. As soon as I clear one you are quick to put up another.

But what you forget is I am human and doubt is part of who I am.

But in that moment of doubt my savior does not forsake me, he does not fear a little doubt, he embraces it.

In that moment of doubt, I look to my savior for strength.

In that moment of doubt, I remember it is my savior who created me

In that moment of doubt, I remember it is my savior who created this wonderful planet I live on.

In that moment of doubt, I remember it is my savior who allowed me to wake this morning.

In that moment of doubt, I remember it is not for me to know why this may be happening now but that in my faith it is to believe that He is working to make it better and I simply need to be patient and let Him work.

So, keep trying because I will look you directly in the eye and exclaim you have no power over my savior.

You cannot defeat him unless I willing turn away from Him and accept you and that will never happen. Because in that moment of doubt I know He stands behind me keeping me strong and faithful.

He is my savior.