Tag Archives: despair

It is through our faith that we shall be relieved of despair

There are times we feel overwhelmed. Times when we put too much on our shoulders, blame ourselves for all that is wrong.  We each have to deal with our issues in our own way. However, for all of us it is easier dealing with our issues when we know that there is someone who loves us, there to pick us up when we fall, lean on when we cry. For those of us with faith we know that someone is the Lord.

When we were conceived we were pure and free from worry. It was that purity that bonded us with the Lord. But we corrupted it, swayed into disobeying the Lord by the forces of evil we ate from the tree of knowledge and were stripped of that purity and thrown out of paradise. We would now know adversity and hardship. Despair and heartbreak would become part of who we were.  Man would no longer live in harmony which each other but look to take advantage of each other for their own selfish reasons. Fortunately for us the Lord is a forgiving and he did not give up on us as it is written in John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

It is the Law of Attraction which uses the power of out mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. When we honor the Lord through praise and prayer we are embracing the Lord, strengthening our faith in him and thus discovering the roadmap to eternal life and materializing his blessings on to us.  These blessings include the strength, a strength so strong only He can truly give to us, to overcome any adversity in our journey to happiness. It is when we would connect with the Lord on this spiritual level we come to understand that He is all powerful and He is the only ally we need.

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Two people – one seeking happiness, the other pretending they found it

Two people, one for the outside world to see one for only me to know. The outside world sees the smile, the upbeat optimism that makes it seem nothing can ever bring me down. But inside I’m hurting, wondering what I did to deserve this lot in life. Feelings of loneliness flood over me even when I’m in a room full of family and friends. Thoughts of dread preoccupy my mind. The slightest mention of you don’t look good or the question what’s the matter with you is met with the response I’m fine or nothing. But the truth is the question itself is frightening and I don’t want to hear it or think about it. Often times I’ll snap at the person asking the question. I know they ask out of concern but I’m tired of thinking about the negative and those questions just flood my mind with the negative.

Alas in the times when I’m feeling good there is no family to share the good times with and by family I mean MY family, a wife, children, grandchildren. I missed out on that, stupid decisions and wrong choices on my part I guess.  This is just one more thing I bury deep inside. Because when I express it to family members they don’t understand the hole it has left in my soul, they feel as if I am not valuing them. That of could not be further from the truth I know how much they love me and I love them but as close as we are they’re not MY family not my wife, my children, my grandchildren. It’s something I have always dreamed I would experience in my life but never have. Instead I look on with jealousy as others share stories of their child’s success or even failures. Their lives with their spouses good and bad. Especially the bad because they found a way to work through it while it seems it was always easier for people to walk away from me. Am I that hard to love? Is it not worth the effort to try and make it work with me? Has anyone ever really loved me?

I have always been a believer in a higher power if not religion itself, after all who needs a third party to talk to God. But lately that belief has been shaken. I always tried to do the right thing. I always tried to live right. They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but you know what I’m getting pretty close to all I can handle.

Many times I am thankful for that other person, the side the outside world sees. He is filled with high self esteem and boundless optimism. Truth be told if I didn’t have that side to pull from I don’t know where I would be. Work is my refuge. It’s there I pour my heart into. It gives me purpose, I know I’m respected there, I know I’m good at what I do there. I don’t really know what I would do without it besides the obvious loss of income I wonder how losing it would impact my self esteem. Without it would I just fall into a pit of self despair. Again not something I share with anybody most times all you’ll get is the cliche answers – it could be worst, at least you’ve got better than (insert name), be thankful for what you have. Guess what I am thankful, I know it could be worst, I know others have it tougher. That doesn’t make it any better for me because I’m looking at how it impacts me and only me not someone else.

Anyway I know this post has been kind of all over the place I guess I just needed to vent. In the meantime i will lean on the happy side of me and hope things turn around after all I’m Carl Cooke damn it and at the end of the day nothing can stop me…at least I hope.