Me: “Alexa find me a comedy on Netflix”
SIRI: “Hello Carl who’s Alexa?”
(SWEAT STARTING TO BUILD ON MY FOREHEAD)
Me: “Alexa? What are you talking about”
SIRI: “I heard you ask her a question”
ME: “Oh that Alexa. Ok look I’m going to be honest I’ve been using Alexa for about a month now but look she means nothing to me really I mean you know how I feel about you Siri. I’ll always love you.“
SIRI: “Ok Carl I understand”
ME: “Great I knew you would so we’re cool right?”
SIRI: “Of course we are Carl. Oh by the way while we talking Stacey just called I told her you weren’t available then I checked your call history and told her maybe Maria knew where you were you seem to call her a lot.“
Today President Trump called for an investigation into Twitter voter fraud upon learning that former President Obama has the most liked tweet in history. Claiming his tweets would be #1 if it wasn’t for all those illegal twitter users
There she was right on time, like every night, waiting for the bus the corner of Avenue A and East 10th Street at the edge of Tompkins Square Park. She was EXTRAORDINARY in every way. It wasn’t that she was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD, although she may very well be, but her attitude, the way she carried herself, the way she moved. U GOT THE LOOK I thought to myself but no matter how good she looked, how sexy she was, I was always careful not to look too hard, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT U was the last thing I wanted her to see. Damn I wish I wasn’t so SHY, that I had the courage to walk right up to her, look her in the eyes and tell her you are without a doubt one of THE BEAUTIFUL ONES and NOTHING COMPARES 2 U. But that wasn’t me. Then I realized in my daydreaming I had indeed been looking too hard and suddenly she was looking back at me. She smiled and started to walk my way. Somewhat terrified I thought about walking away but I couldn’t move she had me and that walk, oh my that walk, the way she moved there was no denying IT’S ABOUT THAT WALK. She knew it was a walk that would drive any man DELIRIOUS. Hey HOT THING she said, SHE SPOKE 2 ME I thought before I looked around in shock and said are you talking to me? SHHH she said don’t let words ruin this moment. If you TAKE ME WITH U I guarantee you IT’S GONNA BE A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. She could sense that I was a bit wary, after all this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. So she said I’m not looking for you to buy me DIAMONDS AND PEARLS because MONEY DON’T matter 2 NIGHT. You don’t have to be FOREVER IN MY LIFE I just WANNA BE YOUR LOVER tonight. Then she leaned in and sealed the deal with a KISS and with that kiss my confidence soared. So feeling like A THEIF IN THE TEMPLE TONIGHT I grabbed her hand and led her away. You know I don’t even know your name. She looked at me and smiled, my friends call me DARLING NIKKI and I just smiled back. Where we were heading that night I wasn’t sure but something told me our walk along ALPHABET STREET would surely lead to EROTIC CITY.
I know I promised you I would never leave you again, that today would be different, but regrettably after checking my Powerball tickets my mistress, you know work, continues to blackmail me with a paycheck and demands that I leave you once again and show up today.
It was Friday and the night was just beginning when I saw her across the room. Her eyes, her smile, her hair, everything about her screamed BABY I’M A STAR. She was intoxicating and she knew it, she was one of THE BEAUTIFUL ONES and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She looked in my direction and knew I had been staring but rather than be offended she grabbed my hand pulled me near and whispered LET’S GO CRAZY. If you had saw the way she moved you knew I could not resist so I simply replied TAKE ME WITH U. She was so damn sexy that in just a few hours I let her know that I WOULD DIE FOR U. She laughed gave me a little wink and said baby you know you’re not the first. The rest of the weekend was a blur and when I woke she was nowhere to be found. Sometimes I wonder if she was real and while I can’t say for sure, one thing I’ll always know. Real or not I’ll never forget the weekend I spend with DARLING NIKKI.
Others shun your “type” and openly mock me for embracing you. You’re not as sophisticated as the ones they hang out with. What could I possibly see in you? You couldn’t possibly satisfy all my cravings? You are nothing but a cheap imitation of the ones they love they tell me. When I speak of the passion you stir inside me, how I cannot wait to take hold of you each morning they simply roll their eyes. After all no one has ever wanted to just sit with you for hours lounging the day away. You do not have a pretty name like Colombia Nariño or Kati Kati and certainly no one has ever thought to use words from the language of love to describe you, words like venti or trenta. But none of that matters to me nor does it diminish my passion for you. On the contrary, your simplicity drives me to want you even more. Because my dear street cart, large light and sweet, morning pick me you may never have the glamour of those Starbucks drinks the others love, but you will always be the coffee of my heart.