Category Archives: Quick Hits

those crazy things that just pop in your head

Important food facts

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The Olive Garden is not real Italian food;
Red Lobster is not real seafood;
Golden Krust is not real Jamaican food;
Almost every corner Chinese take out place is not real Chinese food, ever notice the food they’re eating in the back is never on the menu;
Just because it’s called a fish filet doesn’t mean it’s fish:
The McRib is tasty as all out but come on it’s not really a rib;
If it’s not breakfast, never order anything but a burger and fries from a diner;
If busloads of tourists eat there now, the Soul Food has probably lost its soul;
If you can get it off the dollar menu you probably shouldn’t be eating if;
IHOP is totally inferior to the Waffle House.
Blimpies (remember them) was always better than Subway
And one bonus for you White Castle secretly makes the best fast food breakfast bar none

Dirty Diana…She’s Out Of My Life

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You did me, DIRTY DIANA, you came into my life and stole my heart like a SMOOTH CRIMINAL. I REMEMBER THE TIME when we first met and thinking to myself, oh my goodness, she is a PRETTY YOUNG THING. You quickly became ANOTHER PART OF ME; you were quite the THRILLER, but then out of nowhere, you WERE GONE TOO SOON, and all I could do was SCREAM. My friends try to comfort me; they say they are here for me. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, they say. But the truth is I JUST CAN’T STOP LOVING YOU and THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL. Part of me wishes for just ONE MORE CHANCE, but I know life is never that BLACK OR WHITE; these types of breakups happen; I guess it’s only HUMAN NATURE. So, while I may feel BAD, I know I must move on and accept what I don’t want to, that SHE’S OUT OF MY LIFE.

Me and Cup of Joe – We got a thing goin’on

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Me and Cup of Joe

We got a thing goin’on

We both know that it’s wrong

But it’s much too strong

To let it go now

We meet every day at the same cafe

Six-thirty and everyone knows it’ll be there

Tall, Grande, or Venti, tasting all kinds of grand

While the aroma wakes my senses

Me and Cup of Joe

We got a thing goin’on

We both know that it’s wrong

But it’s much too strong

To let it go now

What if John Wick really is Neo?

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Random thoughts that run your mind when Covid 19 has you trapped in the house and you binge watch John Wick movies and you love the Matrix movies.

What if at the end of the upcoming John Wick 4 the Bowery King tells John there’s something he needs to know. That the machines have been keeping him occupied with being John Wick and to maintain the truce once we found you again the machines were willing to let us keep tabs on you but we could not tell you who you really are. Hence my portrayal as the Bowery King. But the machines have violated the truce and as such I can show you who you really are.

Perplexed John looks at him and asks what the hell he’s talking about. The Bowery King says you once gave me a choice now I give you one You take the blue pill, the story ends; you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

John takes the red pill and wakes up as Neo with a Morpheus by his side. (the end of John Wick 4 the start of the Matrix part 4)

Life in the digital age

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Me: “Alexa find me a comedy on Netflix”

(IPHONE RINGS)

Me: “Hello”

SIRI: “Hello Carl who’s Alexa?”

(SWEAT STARTING TO BUILD ON MY FOREHEAD)

Me: “Alexa? What are you talking about” 

(FAKE LAUGHTER) 

SIRI: “I heard you ask her a question”

ME: “Oh that Alexa. Ok look I’m going to be honest I’ve  been using Alexa for about a month now but look she means nothing to me really I mean you know how I feel about you Siri. I’ll always love you.“

(LONG PAUSE)

SIRI: “Ok Carl I understand”

ME: “Great I knew you would so we’re cool right?”

SIRI: “Of course we are Carl. Oh by the way while we talking Stacey just called I told her you weren’t available then I checked your call history and told her maybe Maria knew where you were you seem to call her a lot.“

ME: “NOOOOOO!”

Purple Weekend – Part 2

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There she was right on time, like every night, waiting for the bus the corner of Avenue A and East 10th Street at the edge of Tompkins Square Park. She was EXTRAORDINARY in every way. It wasn’t that she was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD, although she may very well be, but her attitude, the way she carried herself, the way she moved. U GOT THE LOOK I thought to myself but no matter how good she looked, how sexy she was, I was always careful not to look too hard, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT U was the last thing I wanted her to see. Damn I wish I wasn’t so SHY, that I had the courage to walk right up to her, look her in the eyes and tell her you are without a doubt one of THE BEAUTIFUL ONES and NOTHING COMPARES 2 U. But that wasn’t me. Then I realized in my daydreaming I had indeed been looking too hard and suddenly she was looking back at me. She smiled and started to walk my way. Somewhat terrified I thought about walking away but I couldn’t move she had me and that walk, oh my that walk, the way she moved there was no denying IT’S ABOUT THAT WALK.  She knew it was a walk that would drive any man DELIRIOUS. Hey HOT THING she said, SHE SPOKE 2 ME I thought before I looked around in shock and said are you talking to me? SHHH she said don’t let words ruin this moment. If you TAKE ME WITH U I guarantee you IT’S GONNA BE A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. She could sense that I was a bit wary, after all this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. So she said I’m not looking for you to buy me DIAMONDS AND PEARLS because MONEY DON’T matter 2 NIGHT. You don’t have to be FOREVER IN MY LIFE I just WANNA BE YOUR LOVER tonight. Then she leaned in and sealed the deal with a KISS and with that kiss my confidence soared. So feeling like A THEIF IN THE TEMPLE TONIGHT I grabbed her hand and led her away. You know I don’t even know your name. She looked at me and smiled, my friends call me DARLING NIKKI and I just smiled back. Where we were heading that night I wasn’t sure but something told me our walk along ALPHABET STREET would surely lead to EROTIC CITY.

Dear Pillow

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Dear Pillow

I know I promised you I would never leave you again, that today would be different, but regrettably after checking my Powerball tickets my mistress, you know work, continues to blackmail me with a paycheck and demands that I leave you once again and show up today.

Sorry

It Was a Purple Weekend and I’ll Never Be The Same

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It was Friday and the night was just beginning when I saw her across the room. Her eyes, her smile, her hair, everything about her screamed BABY I’M A STAR. She was intoxicating and she knew it, she was one of THE BEAUTIFUL ONES and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.  She looked in my direction and knew I had been staring but rather than be offended she grabbed my hand pulled me near and whispered LET’S GO CRAZY. If you had saw the way she moved you knew I could not resist so I simply replied TAKE ME WITH U. She was so damn sexy that in just a few hours I let her know that I WOULD DIE FOR U. She laughed gave me a little wink and said baby you know you’re not the first. The rest of the weekend was a blur and when I woke she was nowhere to be found. Sometimes I wonder if she was real and while I can’t say for sure, one thing I’ll always know. Real or not I’ll never forget the weekend I spend with DARLING NIKKI.