Category Archives: Love Lost

when you realize they’re not the one

I refuse to stay in the dark

How could I’ve been so foolish
How could I’ve not seen who you really were
Smitten by you from the very start
You said you loved me till the very end
Yet those words were never really true
Reached in and stole my heart; you did
Then you took it and threw it away
I see now I was just a game to you
Friends tell me I told you so
That they could see through you from the start
I was hurt
I cried
I was broken
But only for a moment
I refuse to stay in the dark
My heart was broken yesterday
But I picked up the pieces
Put them back together today
Now I’m ready to love again
Not afraid to share that love once again
That’s who I am
Out there, someone is just like me
Not afraid to share their love once again
One day we’ll meet
One day we’ll fall in love
One that day will turn into every day
What a wonderful day that will be

Last Night

Last night I saw you standing on the train platform across from me. You were dressed in that white blouse I loved seeing you in.  Your head was buried in your phone, your fingers busily typing, likely a worktext because you were always reading or sending a worktext.  And in that work mode, you didn’t see me just like when we were together; I could never really compete with the job.  You were driven, and you approached your work with a laser-like focus determined to be the best.  That passion for succeeding at all costs played a part in us become distant. Ironically, it was that very same drive and desire to succeed that drew me to you in the first place.  You looked up for a second but not in my direction, and even though we were separated by two set of train tracks at that moment, I felt like I was standing inches from you, looking into your eyes.  The same eyes that I thought used to light up only for me, the eyes I used to tell you gave you an unfair advantage, the eyes that captured my heart the first time they looked my way. It was crazy, and even I found it hard to believe that the mere sight of you, after all, we went through, the ugly way it ended, I could feel the way I did.  They say you don’t know love until love is gone, and I guess that’s true.  What I do know is that going our separate ways was the best for both of us, but you can’t simply turn off how you feel about someone you loved, even when you know you shouldn’t be with them.  After all, whoever said life and love were fair.  It’s not it complicated; it’s difficult, it’s heartbreaking. But it’s worth it if only for that feeling you get when you look into the eyes of that someone special, even if it’s only a memory.  

They Say I’m Not Same

They say I haven’t been the same since you left; maybe they’re right. I’m not going to lie; I never stopped loving you; feelings don’t just disappear. They fade slowly over time, and even when you think they’re gone, something reminds you that a little love remains even if it’s buried deep within your heart.  You have moved on, and someone else has your heart now, and I understand why you left, but there will always be that bond between us. You can’t deny that, and yes, I’m different since you left, but in a good way, I’m a better man today because you showed me how to open my heart and truly let someone in to share my deepest emotions. I’m a wiser and better man than before I met you, and even though we’ve moved on, you’ll always hold a special place in my heart, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

I Know Now

I know now it was a mistake.

I should have never given my heart to you.

You were never going to love me, at least not the way I loved you. You talked a good game. Told me you loved me, made me promise I would never leave you, said I was your everything, but you were never going to give me your heart. You were never going to be my ride or die.

Looking at it now, I see that I was nothing more than a convenience, someone, to occupy you until someone better came along and when you thought you found that someone, you walked away and never looked back.

Yes, I cried.

Yes, I hoped you would come back.

Yes, I wondered what I had done wrong.

Yes, it was a long road back, but through the tears, I found my way back and realized I had done nothing wrong; it was you who couldn’t see what was right in front of you. Today I have found true love, someone who never has to say they love me because every action they take confirms it. Ironically I hear that life isn’t so going smoothly for you, that someone better apparently found someone better than you and left you broken-hearted and alone. I wonder if you sometimes look back and think about us, what might have been if you genuinely put your heart into it. I guess it doesn’t matter now; the past is the past, and while you hurt me, I hold no malice toward you; after all, if it wasn’t for you, I doubt I would have been able to see the difference between real love and just words. So, I guess we both learned a lesson from our time together. I wish you the best.

There’s a Chill in the Air Tonight – The Cold Side Of The Pillow

There’s a chill in the air tonight, and my bed feels especially chilly because you’re not here with me. It’s true, I still think about you, and how we would cuddle on nights like this, talking and laughing.  The look in your eyes warming me like a summer night.  There was never anyone like you before, and while there have been others, there has never been anyone like you since. The others all had qualities that made them unique, and though I know I shouldn’t have, when I compared them to you, they could never quite measure up to you. Each kiss only reminded me of the kisses we shared.  Each smile only made me long for yours that much more.  I suppose the thought of you and what we had will always haunt me.  My heart still belongs to you. If that is a good or bad thing, I don’t know, but I know it is true.

It’s Valentine’s Day and Being Single Sucks…Nah Not Really.

I admit I was dreading it, the first Valentine’s Day since you left. Try as I might to ignore it, I couldn’t. Because even a simple trip to Rite Aide to pick up a tube of toothpaste reminded me with rows of heart-shaped candies, teddy bears saying I love you and an army of hallmark cards leaping out at me that Valentine’s Day was coming. Now, I know the real reason for this “official” day of love is the economy, because without it, how else could they justify the ridiculous mark up for roses? But I have to admit I’m a sucker for it. There’s nothing that gave me more joy than seeing the smile on your face when you saw your Valentine’s day roses.
But this year, there would be no one to send flowers to, plan a dinner date for, hold hands with and cuddle with at the end of the day. As February draws near, there is so much love being thrown in my face I have no choice but to face the hard truth, being single sucks. But I’m also determined not to let anyone know how I truly feel, so I soldier on smiling and laughing while crying on the inside. And I’m good at it, as far as anyone looking at me knows I’m alright. But I’m not, and even the strongest of men wouldn’t mind a shoulder to lean on now and then, but my façade says I don’t need one. So, it up to me to the right the ship by myself, and let me tell you, that’s not easy.
Nevertheless, I went to work. First, I took a step back and looked at the multitude of family and friends who love me, are always there for me, and would never leave me alone. I realized that romantic relationships come and go, but family and friends…well, they’re not going anywhere. Second, I resolved not to give up hope. Because once hope is gone, any chance of finding happiness goes with it. My life is a journey and each day represents a new step, and each new step represents new possibilities. One day that next step will lead me to the happiness I’m seeking. But I’ll only get there if I have the strength to take that next step. Third I said to myself; you can’t hide from love. Bob Marley once said, “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. So, while you may have hurt me, there is someone out there worth suffering for.
So, I guess being single doesn’t suck after all, and you know what? Valentine’s day will be a happy occasion for me because I have family, friends, and the hope that the right one is out there and will find her one day.

I Used To But Now I Never

I used to, but now I never let our breakup define my self-worth.
I put so much of myself into us that when you walked away, it broke me, made me think that I was a failure and that no one would ever love me. But that was not true because I’m a giving man, a loving partner, and I have a kind heart, and just because you didn’t see that does not mean I am not worthy of love; it only means you weren’t ready for it.
I used to, but now I never dwell in the past.
I do not run, hide, or pretend we never existed. I loved you with all my heart, and while you couldn’t give me that love in return, I have let the pain of losing you go. Today you are but a part of my story, a lesson learned. One that I shall grow and gain strength from. Because life exists in the here and now, and so do I.
I used to, but now I never wish for you to come back.
I recognize now that you couldn’t comprehend the fundamental principle that having someone like me in your life is a good thing and as such, logic dictates you were never worthy of me in the first.