Monthly Archives: January 2020

I Will Always Fight For Your Love

Any two people can fall in love but only those who share a true love will fight for that love when things get rocky. Like all relationships ours has gone through its up and downs and let’s be honest we had our shares of downs lately. But true love is defined by how you handle the down times. Are we willing to work through our problems, listen to each other’s, accept responsibility for our part in what has gone wrong and make the changes required to strengthen our relationship?

So many couples refuse to fight to keep their love, fortunately that’s not the case with us. We value the good times we share with each other and don’t want to lose them. So we fight, we fight for our love and with that said I want you to know that I take full responsibility for lately:

Not hearing your voice
Not being responsive to your needs
Not understanding your concerns

But trust me when I say it’s not because of faded feelings, or desire for you. It’s not because I don’t value you. The truth is I love and value you and the thought of us now more than I ever have. The flame in my heart for you burns as bright as it ever has.

Each day I remember:

The connection I felt the very first moment I kissed you.
How seeing you for the first time took my breath taken away.
How your dazzling smile instantly captivated me, and your mesmerizing eyes drew me in.

I never want to stop being:

Able to smile, laugh out loud and talk to the most intelligent, insightful and unique woman I have ever met.
Able to go to sleep knowing when I wake you will be right there next to me.

You are the most remarkable woman I have ever known, you stir my passion like no other ever has or ever could.

You are:

My best friend.
My lover.
My partner

You hold the key to my heart and there is nothing I would not do to make our lives together as fulfilling as possible. Because my love for you is true.

It’s Valentine’s Day and Being Single Sucks…Nah Not Really.

I admit I was dreading it, the first Valentine’s day since you left. Try as I might to ignore it, I couldn’t. Because even a simple trip to Rite Aide to pick up a tube of toothpaste reminded me with rows of heart shaped candies, teddy bears saying I love you and an army of hallmark cards leaping out at me, that Valentine’s day was coming. Now, I know the real reason for this “official” day of love is the economy, because without it how else could they justify the ridiculous mark up for roses, but I have to admit I’m a sucker for it and there’s nothing that gave me more joy than seeing the smile on your face when you saw your Valentine’s day roses.

But this year there would be no you to send flowers to, plan a dinner date for, hold hands with and cuddle with at the end of the day. As February draws near there is so much love being thrown in my face I have no choice but to face the hard truth, being single sucks. But I’m also determined not to let anyone know how I truly fell, so I soldier on smiling and laughing while crying on the inside.  And I’m good at it, as far as anyone looking at me knows I’m alright. But I’m not and even the strongest of men wouldn’t mind a shoulder to lean on every now and then, but my façade says I don’t need one. So, it up to me to right the ship by myself and let me tell you that’s not easy.

Nevertheless, I went to work. First, I took a step back and looked at the multitude of family and friends who love me, are always there for me and would never leave me alone. I realized that romantic relationship come and go but family and friends…well they’re not going anywhere. Second, I resolved not too give up hope. Because once hope is gone any chance of finding happiness goes with it. My life is a journey and each day represents a new step and each new step represents new possibilities. One day that next step will lead me to the happiness I’m seeking. But I’ll only get there if I have the strength to take that next step.  Third I said to myself you can’t hide from love. Bob Marley once said “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. So, while you may have hurt me, there is someone out there worth suffering for.

So, I guess being single doesn’t suck after-all and you know what? Valentine’s Day is going to be a happy occasion for me, even without you. Because I have family, friends and the hope that the right one is out there and one day I will find her.

I Used To But Now I Never

I used to but now I never let our breakup define myself self-worth.

I put so much of myself into us that when you walked away it broke me, made me think that I was a failure and that no one would ever love me. But that was simply not true because I’m a giving man, a loving partner and I have a kind heart and just because you didn’t see that does not mean I am not worthy of love, it only means you weren’t ready for it

I used to but now I never dwell in the past.

I do not run, hide, or pretend we never existed. I loved you with all my heart and while you couldn’t give me that love in return I have let the pain of losing you go. Today you are but a part of my story, a lesson learned. One that I shall grow and gain strength from. Because life exist in the here and now and so do I.

I used to but now I never wish for you to come back.

I recognize now that you simply couldn’t comprehend the basic principle that having someone like me in your life is a good thing and as such logic dictates you were never worthy of me in the first

I Walk The Path With You

It’s been a long road and along the way I have had many experiences that have shaped the very essence of who I am. But it wasn’t until you walked into my life that I could truly say for the first time I saw clearly what my life was meant for. Today I stand here with you ready to walk a new path in my life. As with any path there will be unknowns and obstacles ahead. But knowing you will be walking the path with me I have no fear, because I have no doubt our love build on trust and mutual respect will carry us through any obstacle we may face.

I promise you that you will always be:

My partner who I walk beside the rest of your life.
My best friend who I will not only listen to but hear
My soulmate who my heart will always beat in unison with.

I say to the world that when I:

Hold your hand.
Hear your voice,
See your smile,
Look into your eyes,

I know a love that I did not think was possible.

It is true that when we are apart I count the minutes until I see you again, until I can hold you in my arms again. Why? Because you and only you:
Bring me happiness
Have awaken my soul
Have given me strength
Are my partner
Are my best friend
Are my soul mate
Are my everything

I love you

It’s The Actions Not The Words

I love you.

We must have said those three little words to each other a thousand times and I won’t speak for you but those words when spoken by you to me are so powerful they awaken my deepest emotions.

I’ve often wondered how is it that the sound of three little words can bring me so much happiness? Then it hit me, it’s when I hear you say them I know you mean it.

When I look back at past relationships I realize that when others said I love you they really didn’t mean it? When they said those words, it was the sound of their voice, nothing more nothing less. It was just a sound, a vibration that broadcast itself as a mechanical wave of pressure and displacement through air. Now that’s not romantic and it’s certainly not something I should have given my heart away to.

But with you I love you is not just the utterance of words it’s your actions that bring those words to life. Like when we trade smiles across a room. When you instinctively grab for my hand in a crowd. That look in your eye when you wake up beside me each morning; Small unconscious actions that likely go unnoticed to everyone else but me. Actions that say I love you without any words, no sound passing through the air. I hope my actions say the same to you because there is no doubt in my heart that I love you

Do You Remember?

Michael Jackson famously asked in one of his songs do you remember? I wonder do you remember the night we first met? It was the end of the year office party and it was crowded as usual. Everyone looked forward to the year-end party, it was the perfect excuse to let off a little steam after another year of 12-hour workdays and never-ending deadlines. Plus, the year-end party was when the company usually announced what our bonuses were going to be and this being a good year financially all our spirits were high with anticipation that our bonuses would be as well. All around the room the usual party small talk, office gossip, laughing and smiling was going on and in a corner with several others there you were.

I knew who you were, I had seen you around, but I didn’t know you. I had been taken with your beauty for a while now. But it wasn’t just your beauty that drew me to you, your reputation as being one of the brightest of the bright and a fighter who was unafraid to think big and push the company to do the same was sexy as hell to me. What was a little confusing tough was just how modest you appeared to be. I mean let’s be real beautiful people know they’re beautiful. smart people know they’re smart and you’re both, but it really did seem like didn’t know it

You couldn’t have been more than twenty feet away from me, but it may as well have been twenty miles. I’ll admit it, despite appearing to be modest you kind of intimidated me. Then you looked across the room right at me and I could swear you smiled, not a huge smile just a quick little one as if you meant only for me to notice it. As the night went on I couldn’t get that little smile out of my head. I looked around the room and found you, surprising all alone, here’s my chance I thought. I summoned all my courage and headed over to introduce myself to you. Be cool, be confident, be self-assured I said to myself. I’m no slouch I’m a pretty good catch myself, you couldn’t just brush me off. Could you? So, it was with an air of confidence that I approached you, but let’s be real that was just on the outside on the inside I was shaking like a child on their first day of preschool after saying goodbye to their mother. The walk over to you seemed to take forever but as I got near you suddenly turned in my direction and there it was again, the little smile from earlier that evening. Before I could say a word, you said hello and our eyes met. That first look into your eyes settled my nerves, it was like I had known you all my life.

We spend the rest of the evening talking and laughing and every so often you would look directly in my eyes and flash that little smile and I knew for sure now that little smile was meant only for me. My whole life I had been looking for someone like you, someone who I would know immediately was my soulmate and that evening I found that person in you.

It Wasn’t Happenstance…It Was Destiny

They say life is a series of random happenstances if you take one step to the left instead of the right you could set off a series of events that change the course of your life. But when it comes to you I suspect there was more than happenstance at play. With you I believe it was destiny.

Because it was on the day that I met you I turned left when I always turned right and there you were. I knew immediately that everything up until that moment was preparing me for you. Every step I had ever taken was leading me to you. I had unknowingly been walking a path toward you my whole life.

No one ever has and no one ever will make me feel the way you did when you first:

Smiled at me
Made me laugh
Held my hand
Kissed me
Said I love you

As crazy as it sounds I know that when I turned left when I always turned right it wasn’t happenstance it was destiny.

This Law of Attraction Thing Must Be Real, Because Here You Are

They say the Law of Attraction uses the power of the mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. If that’s true, then you and I are the result of that law.

For the longest time I dreamed about finding someone with not only your physical beauty but also the quality that truly captures my heart and mind your brilliant intellect. It was obvious from the start that I had been dreaming about you all along.

Dreaming that once I found you we would begin a relationship so passionate everyone around us would feel the heat it generates. And they do!

Dreaming that we would work together to conquer any obstacles in the way of our happiness. And we do!

Dreaming that we would connect on such a level all we needed to do was look at each other and know what the other was thinking. And we do!

I believed in you before I even knew you, you are everything I ever dreamed about. So, you know what? This law of attraction thing must be real, because here you are.

 

My Success? My Success is You

I looked up from my laptop across the living room at you, your head buried in your laptop. Once again, we were together physically in the same room but mentally and emotionally we may as well have been on different continents. What happened to us? Once our passion was so strong all we could do was think about each other. Lately tough we were simply going through the motions.

We had become more committed to our work than we were too each other. In the chase for professional and monetary success we forgot that feeling we had when all we had was each other. The anticipation of seeing each other’s smile. The warmth of being in each other presence. The safety of being in each other’s embrace and the feel of our lips pressed against each other’s.  We had convinced ourselves that our happiness could be found in a number and that through hard work we would achieve that number and have everything we wanted in life. Everything that was except what truly made us happy, we forgot about each other.

So, at that moment I put down my work and walked across the living room and pushed your laptop aside. Before you could protest I pulled you close and kissed you like I hadn’t kissed you in a long time. Every bit of passion I had kept hidden from you over the years. Every time I had wanted to tell you how much I loved you but didn’t because I was too busy was all in that single kiss. A single kiss that joined two souls that once were inseparable back together.

You looked at me, a bit confused, and then asked where did that come from? But before I could respond you placed a finger on my lips to quiet me and said you don’t need to say it your kiss already did and yes, I missed us too.

From that day on we have never took each other for granted. We have never let work or the pursuit of money come between us. Sure, we still strived for professional success, but we made sure to keep that chase in perspective. Because after all my love for you is the biggest success of my life.

Can Anybody Find Me Someone To Love

It was a cold January moment and as I was getting ready for work Queen was emanating from my radio

Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you’re doing to me
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief,
Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I thought to myself you know when Freddie Mercury wrote those words he probably didn’t realize just how many people he was speaking for. People like me who find themselves alone at this time of the year. Sure, I survived going to the family Thanksgiving dinner solo and answering the dreaded question of when I am going to settle down. Then I made it through that empty feeling of waking up on Christmas morning with no one to smile or hug, and say I love you to as they unwrapped their gift. New Year’s Eve quickly followed and of course there was no special person to kiss as the clock struck midnight. I did it all with a smile, a smile that hid the tears that I kept to myself and only let the mirror see. But the calendar keeps moving and now here comes another hurdle, Valentine’s day. It’s seemingly everywhere. Go to the drug store and there are heart shaped boxes of chocolate and teddy bears with I love you sweaters everywhere. Turn on the radio and television and I swear if I hear one more commercial for 1-800-Flowers or Kay Jewelers and their annoying little jingle, every kiss begins with K, I’m going to scream. Even my e-mail account gets in on the fun with a reminder from 1-800-Flowers that Valentine’s day is coming up and I should make it a special one for her by placing my order early this year.

I thought I would be over her by now. I did everything I was supposed to. I focused on myself. dropped a few pounds, brought some new clothes, followed all the self-help books right down to the letter, hell I even stopped going to that psychic who I hoped would tell me that she was coming back. Ask anyone and they would tell you that I’m getting better and I would tell them don’t even think about her anymore. But when I’m alone in my thoughts she is all I can think of.

Why? Why did she leave? Didn’t I show her how much I loved her? Didn’t she tell me she loved me? Freddie Mercury was right, I just can’t get no relief. I don’t understand, is it so much to ask to have someone’s hand to hold, lips to kiss, someone to lay down with every night and wake to every morning, someone to love? In many ways my life seems empty and I wonder will it ever not be. But despite all the heartbreak I do feel myself getting a little stronger each day and when I look in the mirror and see my tears I try to remember who I am and what I can give. I try to remember that I do have someone to love, myself. Now I can’t pretend that remembering that makes all the pain go away but hopefully it will help me understand that one day I’ll have two people to love myself and someone special.