There she was right on time, like every night, waiting for the bus the corner of Avenue A and East 10th Street at the edge of Tompkins Square Park. She was EXTRAORDINARY in every way. It wasn’t that she was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD, although she may very well be, but her attitude, the way she carried herself, the way she moved. U GOT THE LOOK I thought to myself but no matter how good she looked, how sexy she was, I was always careful not to look too hard, LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT U was the last thing I wanted her to see. Damn I wish I wasn’t so SHY, that I had the courage to walk right up to her, look her in the eyes and tell her you are without a doubt one of THE BEAUTIFUL ONES and NOTHING COMPARES 2 U. But that wasn’t me. Then I realized in my daydreaming I had indeed been looking too hard and suddenly she was looking back at me. She smiled and started to walk my way. Somewhat terrified I thought about walking away but I couldn’t move she had me and that walk, oh my that walk, the way she moved there was no denying IT’S ABOUT THAT WALK. She knew it was a walk that would drive any man DELIRIOUS. Hey HOT THING she said, SHE SPOKE 2 ME I thought before I looked around in shock and said are you talking to me? SHHH she said don’t let words ruin this moment. If you TAKE ME WITH U I guarantee you IT’S GONNA BE A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. She could sense that I was a bit wary, after all this kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. So she said I’m not looking for you to buy me DIAMONDS AND PEARLS because MONEY DON’T matter 2 NIGHT. You don’t have to be FOREVER IN MY LIFE I just WANNA BE YOUR LOVER tonight. Then she leaned in and sealed the deal with a KISS and with that kiss my confidence soared. So feeling like A THEIF IN THE TEMPLE TONIGHT I grabbed her hand and led her away. You know I don’t even know your name. She looked at me and smiled, my friends call me DARLING NIKKI and I just smiled back. Where we were heading that night I wasn’t sure but something told me our walk along ALPHABET STREET would surely lead to EROTIC CITY.
I have found it to be true that:
The stronger your belief is in yourself
The stronger your love is for yourself
The weaker is the possibility that anything or anyone can break you.
She used to be right there on my right, my hand resting on the stick shift, her hand resting comfortably on mine. The top down and the warm summer air all around us as we drove for miles with no particular destination in mind. Every red light I would glance over at her and be captured by her smile. She had a way of tilting her head to the right ever so slightly when she smiled at me. It was so slight I doubt she even realized she was doing it. But that was because she only did it when she smiled at me and that’s how I knew it was a smile meant for me, no one else.
She used to be right there on my right, her hand comfortably in mine as we walked down the street. Talking and laughing as we walked for miles with no particular destination in mind. Every chance I got I would glance over at her and be captured by her eyes. Her eyes had a way of lighting up when she looked at me. I would tell her she wasn’t playing fair but she always said she didn’t know what I was talking about. But that was because they only lit up when she looked at me and that’s how I knew it was a look meant for me, no one else.
But she is no longer on my right and her smile, her look, a smile and a look meant for me, no one else is gone. I wonder if they belong to someone else. I wonder if she even knows that she’s giving him a smile and a look that tells him she loves him and no else.
She used to be right there on my right.
Lately you’ve been distant. I know something is bothering you, I can only guess at what it is because you won’t let me in.
Maybe you’re worried how I’ll react if you talk to me about what it is. Maybe you think that because you feared his reactions.
Maybe you think that if you let me in you’ll be a burden to me, that you’ll be unloading your problems on me. Maybe you think that because that’s how he made you feel.
Maybe you think I won’t try to understand your problems. Maybe you think that because he never did.
Maybe you think I just don’t care. Maybe you think that because he really never did.
But what you should know for sure is very simply this – I am not him. Not today, not tomorrow, not on my worst day. You and I are partners and there will never be anything we cannot talk about. Nothing we can’t work out together.
There will be times I’m not going to understand what you are going through. But I will always be there to listen.
There will be times I will not agree with you. But I will never judge you.
There will be times I will offer you a shoulder to cry on. But I will never take that to mean you’re weak.
There will never be a time I will not be there for you.
I do these things not because I have too but because you are my best friend, my lover and my partner for life and my love for you is everlasting.
I am not him, not today, not tomorrow, not on my worst day.
Everyday I want to remember the connection I felt the very first moment I kissed you.
Everyday I want to hear the sound of your voice, have my breath taken away by your beauty, be captivated by your dazzling smile, and be drawn in by your mesmerizing eyes,
Everyday I want to be able to smile, laugh out loud with and talk to the most intelligent, insightful and unique woman I have ever met.
Everyday I want to lay down to sleep knowing you are right there next to me.
Everyday I want to be able to wake up next to and kiss the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. The woman who stirs my passion like no other.
Everyday I want of our lives together to be nothing short of the remarkable and passionate love affair it is today.
Everyday I want you to know you are my best friend, my lover, my partner for life, the person I have given the key to my heart.
Everyday I want these things because I love you and want you in my life everyday for the rest of my life.
They say you can’t do it.
They say you will never reach your goals.
They say you live in the clouds.
They say you will never amount to anything.
They say it so many times that soon you start to think it is the truth.
But the truth is they say it not because it is true, but to keep you in a box. To stop you from reaching for and achieving what they already have. Your ability to do it, reach your goals, live in the clouds, be someone special depends not on what they want you to think you can do but what you believe is possible.
For many of us it is not easy to step outside of that box they say you belong in. It takes courage, confidence in your abilities, a strong sense of self esteem and a knowledge that stepping out of the box is simply freeing your mind of the chains they wish to keep it locked under and allowing it to soar to the heights it was always meant too.