I am strong enough to miss you now

I am strong enough to miss you now. For so many days, weeks and months I told the world that you were just a faded memory, that I never even think about you anymore and I really tried to make that true. But when I wasn’t carefully guarding my subconscious there you were, popping in to say hi each time I passed a restaurant we had dinner at or smiling at and laughing with me in my dreams as I slept. When this occurred I did my best to push you back out. The pain of remembering you and me and what I thought we were and would always be was simply too much. I needed to move on, as you so quickly did, and to do that I couldn’t let you hang around my memories. Others have come and gone since you and I said goodbye. None has worked out. I often ask myself why that was? Was it because I subconsciously compared them to you? Was it because I was trying to replace what I thought we had? That would be ironic because in retrospect I guess we never did have it did we? Was I being too protective of my heart? Closing it down so no one could ever take possession of it like you did only to break it and walk away.

Well yeah!

I was doing all those things and more.

But I needed to. I had to move on so I vowed to block you and all things us completely out of my mind, or as much as I could. It was a daily grind that literally became a chore and I came to realize that consciously trying to forget someone you loved is well…impossible. But each day I got a little stronger. Slowly I remembered who I was before you and hey wouldn’t you know it I’m a catch. I picked up the pieces and slowly but meticulously put them all back together. There’s a scar where you once resided in my heart, a very vivid reminder of us. But that scar is not a sign of pain anymore; it is a sign or rebirth, proof that I’m ready to move on. Now I am strong enough to remember the good times with you and how much I loved you. The thought of us still brings a smile to my face, I won’t pretend it doesn’t.   But it no longer holds me back from moving forward and opening my heart to that person out there who will love me as much as I love them. I’ll always love what we had and you’ll always have a special place in my heart behind that scar. You and what we had were special to me. I’m strong enough to remember that now.

Advertisements

1 thought on “I am strong enough to miss you now

  1. Finding My Inner Zen

    This is such a poignant post. I’m not quite there yet in my own journey, but it’s very refreshing to read that someone has walked away from a breakup and able to make amends with it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s